


Document 4

by mot_a_muggle



Series: Rose Stiltskin [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Loki - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Young James Potter, Young Lily Evans Potter, Young Marauders, Young Peter Pettigrew, Young Remus Lupin, Young Severus Snape, Young Sirius Black
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:14:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27481039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mot_a_muggle/pseuds/mot_a_muggle
Summary: Rose goes back to the past to save Sirius and Lilly and James Potter, but this one is incomplete since I lost the emotional connection, but the continuation of her life with Harry, Ron, and Hermione is still being worked on. That will be documents 5 and 6.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/James Potter, Sirius Black/Original Female Character(s), Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Rose Stiltskin [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2008045





	Document 4

document 4, but technically part two of doc 1.   
so i’ve travelled back in time, and sent documents to dumbledore that i would be a new student. this was twenty years ago, 1995. i had already been sorted into gryffindor so i didn’t have to go through the ceremony with the first years. i was a little nervous because i hadn’t actually thought everything all the way through. i didn’t even know if young sirius would like me, because older sirius was sort of forced to spend time with me. i would just have to charm him though. plus i would never use magic to make someone like me, but perhaps, i could create a suggestion that pulls him towards me.  
also, it’s not like i had a place to stay during the summers but i could time travel so maybe i could just- skip over the summer parts? or worst case scenario, i could stay at the leaky cauldron.  
now it was just a matter of the perfect meeting. it was their fifth year, so he would already be best friends with james, remus and peter. i was super excited to meet the young versions of them, but i needed to make the perfect first impression. i figured that worst case scenario i could redo it once. wipe their memory, but that would make everything more complicated and there would be more variables to control. 

“i can pass for 15 right?” i asked  
dumbledore standing up.   
“i think so.” he said. “i hope you do get what you need from this.” he whispered but it was from so far away because i had already started traveling back in time to hogwarts 20 years ago. 

i took a deep breathe and ended up on the hogwarts express with a couple of luggages. as i was there under the pretext of having told dumbledore that i was a new student, and that i was already sorted, i would have new textbooks and all my school stuff already. that was easy, i just duplicated another girls things and made them fit me. i ended up on the train even though i didn’t actually have to get on. it looked very much like the hogwarts express 20 years from now. but almost immediately i noticed that the candy lady was younger, she was pushing the cart around with more energy. the compartments were less crowded, and even though it was clearly old, there was a significant difference between even 1995 and 2015. i looked through the train in my mind. sirius was almost unrecognizable but i was immediately able to discern james because he really did look exactly like the harry i knew. once i identifies him,!it wasn’t hard to tell which ones were sirius, remus. and peter. i hated to even think it, but peter did not look anything like i thought he would. he was a little plump, but he wasn’t ugly like i had expected him to be. technically i had met him, once but as he was in rat form for 12 years before, he looked like a rat. this was before he had even turned into an animgus. before any of them had.   
i couldn’t help focus on sirius. pre- azkaban sirius. his hair was still almost exactly as it would be, but his eyes, they were young and filled with happiness and excitement. they weren’t haunted at all or filled with any of the sadness that azkaban had given to him.   
i realized that i had to open my eyes soon but i wanted to figure out where they were going first. i traced the rest o the train to see where they could be going, and i immediately landed on severus snape. he was sitting alone in a compartment, i thought he could be waiting for someone. but i did know that he and the marauders hated each other which meant that that could be my way in.   
i opened my eyes and was brought back to the spot i was standing in the middle of the hallway in a train. i decided to “accidentally run into” the marauders at snapes compartment.   
i picked up my suitcases using magic and started walking slowly to the compartment that snape was sitting in. just like i thought, the four boys were walking towards the entrance of the compartment too. i stood back a little and watched what they were doing.  
“we can’t prank him with darkness powder.” peter was saying. i was right. they were planning on messing with him. i listened as they were deciding what to do, so i took matters into my own hand. using my magic, i started tanking at his robe. it lifted his feet up a little and he looked around a little scared but also angry.  
“are you doing that?” remus asked the other guys but all three of them shook their heads. i smiles and continued messing with snape. soon he was swatting away an insect that only he could see and the boys looked around to see who was doing it.  
remus was the first to notice me.   
“are you doing this?” he whispered making all of them turn to look at me.  
i feigned innocence. “i have no idea what you’re talking about.” i said.  
but they were all staring at me, snape was now trying to clear his ear because there was a noise that only he could hear.  
“there’s no one else around.” james said stepping towards me.   
i sighed. “fine. it was me.”  
sirius looked at me curiously. “why?”  
i shrugged. “why not? that’s snape right? severus snape? i heard he’s a git.”  
they squinted at me. “what house are you in?”  
“gryffindor.” i said easily.   
“i’ve never seen you around.” remus said quietly.  
“you know everyone in gryffindor then?” i asked smiling. this isn’t what i was expecting. i really didn’t want to alienate them. i knew that even if one of them didn’t like me, i didn’t really have a chance of being friends with any of them. i looked at james properly for the first time in real life. i don’t know why but i suddenly wanted to cry. just looking at him was a severe jolt. he was the only one i’d never met before and i almost couldn’t even believe he was real.  
“what year are you in then?” remus asked and i realized i was distracted by seeing them together, young and happy, no idea what was going to happen in just a few short years. i shook out of it, and replied   
“i’m in fifth, but i’m new here.” i said. “i was homeschooled for the first four but i decided that because of OWL exams this year, i should come to hogwarts.” i had prepared this answer before hand because i knew everyone would ask.   
remus looked like he didn’t believe me but james and sirius interrupted him.  
“that’s pretty cool what you did to snape.” james said. “we were about to pull something on him.”  
i smiled.   
“how did you know about snape anyway?” sirius asked.  
i looked around to stall while searching for an answer.’i should have known that they would ask that and i chided myself a little for not thinking of an answer before hand. i had already mentioned i knew snape so just saying that i picked a random victim wouldn’t be acceptable anymore.   
“he’s my neighbor.” i said quietly. “or he was. when we were about 5 years old. but then he and his family moved away.”  
“you knew him when he was 5?” james asked. “did he have the same greasy hair?” i opened my mouth to answer smiling a little bit before i had the chance. snape had pulled out his wand and stepped out of the compartment.  
“i should have known it was you four.” he said menacingly pointing the wand to each of the boys in turn.   
“wrong again snivellus.” sirius said looking like he may laugh.   
“and i’m supposed to believe that?” snape sneered pointing his wand solely at sirius. sirius didn’t look concerned at all.  
“yeah because it was me.” i said.   
he pointed his wand at me.  
“and who are you?” he growled. i looked down at the wand and looked back at him incredulously.   
“really?” i asked.   
“she’s a new student.” james stepped next to me. and i smiled. i was in with james which meant i was most likely in with sirius too.   
“you’re starting hogwarts in your fifth year?” snape asked suspiciously. lazily waved my hand and his wand arm dropped. he stared down at it like he couldn’t believe i could have possibly made him do that.   
“it’s really none of your business.” i said. but snape looked murderous.   
“it is if you’re going to threaten me.” he growled.  
“no ones threatening you snivellus.” sirius said. “a threat would require no action. as far as we can see. she just beat you.”  
sirius sounded amused.   
“i’m going to get you back for this.” snape growled at me.  
i smiled sarcastically. “i’m trembling.” i said and he gave me one last terrible stare before turning around and going back in to his compartment.  
“that was really amazing.”  
peter said in awe.  
i smiled at him even though i hated the feeling. i couldn’t show my hatred for him. he was still their friend.   
“he’s really something isn’t he?” i asked. and i realized that we were blocking the way. there was a red head girl who was trying to get into the compartment and i immediately felt james straighten up and ruffle his already messy hair. i looked at her. i immediately recognized her bright green eyes. the same green eyes i’d looked into a hundred times before.   
“lily.” i muttered before i could stop myself. if her burning red hair didn’t give it away, the freckles and eyes definitely did.  
“i’m sorry do i know you?” she asked.  
i shook my head quickly.  
“i just. no. i’m sorry.”  
she looked at me curiously but then said.  
“you guys need to move.”  
“lily if you spend too much time with him you’re going to catch his  
loser disease.” sirius said warning my but she glared back at him. i couldn’t believe i was seeing her. harry really did look nothing like her except for the eyes. again the feeling of tears welling up came back but i forced them down. i felt guilty. like it wasn’t fair that i was here with them and harry wasn’t. i knew what dumbledore had meant about me being selfish. he wasn’t really even talking about me leaving my friends in the future. he was talking about how i wanted more time with sirius. but, if i succeeded here, then harry would get the time i had with his parents. i had made the right choice but then why did i feel like i had gotten swiftly punched in the gut?  
“shut up sirius.” she said and pushed past us into the compartment.   
sirius laughed and stepped back but james didn’t do anything. he had clearly wanted to use the opportunity to flirt with her but was disappointed that she had ignored him.  
“so, i’m sirius.” sirius said turning to me once lily had mentioned his name.   
“rose.” i introduced myself quietly. i still couldn’t really process what was happening. this was one of the best moments of my life but it was also incredibly painful because i was lying to them. i felt snape glaring at me.  
“you should sit with us.” james invited finally coming back to reality after staring at lily for a few more seconds.  
“yeah.” sirius said reaching for my suitcases but i stopped him.  
“yeah that would be great. thanks.” i said lifting my stuff up with magic. the all stared at it but since they had seen me use wandless magic on snape already, i figured it would be less impressive. they lead me to a compartment where i stored my stuff.  
on the way there, the other three introduced themselves and i had to try my best to pretend like i had no idea who they were.   
“you can do wand less magic?” remus finally asked after we sat down.   
i nodded. “perks of being homeschooled i guess.” i said.  
“wow if you’re so advanced why did you decide to start at hogwarts?”  
“don’t interrogate her.” sirius nudged remus playfully.  
i smiled. “it’s ok. like i said. OWL exams. this year is really important. besides, i was getting a little lonely. i’m an only child and we don’t really have many child neighbors.”  
“right since snape moved away.”  
“oh i don’t think we would have been friends anyway.” i said with a laugh. “his family’s ideals were just a little different than mine.”  
“you remember a lot about him for just being five years old.” remus said. i stared at him. i did know he was the smartest of the bunch and that was saying a lot, because sirius and james were incredibly smart too. i would have to be careful with what i said and how i said it. but for some reason, i felt like remus wasn’t really trying to catch me in a lie. he was definitely suspicious of me, but how could he possibly know i was from 20 years in the future?  
my hand immediately went to the locker around my neck. the locket sirius had given me six months ago that i hadn’t taken off since.   
“it’s hard to forget a family as evil as his.” i whispered. “my father spent a great deal of time talking about them even after they left.”  
they nodded.  
maybe remus was trying to think of something else to ask me, but i smiled at james.  
“so.” i said. “lily?”  
james reddened a little.  
“what?”  
“oh come on. i may be new but i’m still a girl. and i saw how you reacted when she came into view.” james’s face turned brighter red.  
“yeah well. she’s very. nice.” he muttered lamely. i laughed a little.  
“so what’s stopping you from being with her?” i asked  
“other than the fact that she thinks he’s a self involved git?” sirius asked making fun of james. “he has no chance with anyone with hair like that.”  
“you’re one to talk.” james retorted quickly. “with hair growing past your shoulders.”  
i turned to look at sirius and pretended to analyze him.  
“hm. i like it.” i said finally.   
“see?” sirius asked. “she likes it.”   
the candy cart came around and i offered to rest everyone to what they wanted. they objected at first but i wouldn’t hear it.   
remus left about five minutes after the train ride started.   
“he’s a prefect this year.” sirius explained to me. i nodded. i knew this alread of course so i would have forgotten to ask and then it would have been suspicious.   
“whose the other prefect?” i asked casually knowing very well it was lily.   
“we don’t actually know.” james said. remus showed up again with about an hour of the three hours left.  
“you’ll never guess who the other gryffindor prefect is!” he said opening the door and plopping down next to james and peter.   
“well?” james said. “don’t keep us in suspense!”  
“lily!” he said.   
“oh yeah she seemed like she would do a good job.” i said looking around at everyone to see how they reacted. “yeah, she seemed very- authoritative.”  
the rest of the ride remus was quiet. he seemed wary of me but sirius and james were very comfortable and peter was too.   
“so you’re not being sorted with the first years tonight?” peter asked me towards the end of the three hour trip.  
i shook my head. “i met professor dumbledore over the summer and was sorted into gryffindor already so i wouldn’t have to get up there with the first years.” i said.  
as we got off the train, i realized that i shouldn’t know about how to get to the castle. i looked at sirius expectantly.  
“right.” he said. “just stay with us and well get you safety to the gryffindor table.” he said. but then he turned red. “not that you need protecting- i just meant-“ but james slapped his shoulder saving him from an awkward silence.  
“come on padfoot. maybe i should call you padmouth.” sirius took this out gratefully and carried his stuff out. i followed them into a carraige.  
“this is amazing.” i said looking up at the castle on our way there. as i was never supposed to have seen the place. i tried to put on a convincing show.   
“you leave your luggage here.” sirius lead me to a place at in the entrance hall. “they sort of just show up in the dorms.”  
“speaking of dorms.” remus interrupted. “do you have yours already?” i looked at him.   
“um, i just assumed that i would have a bed.” i said slowly.  
“because you’ve already talked to dumbledore.” he confirmed. i nodded.   
“so, what happens now?”  
“that’s our table.” peter said pointing to the gryffindor table. “then the first years are sorted, dumbledore makes a speech and then dinner.”  
i nodded again not knowing what to say. how did hogwarts look exactly the same? even the express looked a little newer, but hogwarts had the exact same aesthetic.   
i stared in awe at the ceiling candles and i felt sirius next to me looking up too.   
“it’s been five years and i’ll never get bored of the enchanted ceiling.” he whispered.   
we walked to the table and i sat next to sirius and another girl whom i’d never met, obviously. she turned, looked me up and down, and smiled.   
“hi!” she said holding out a hand.  
“hi.” i said reluctantly.   
“i’m aurora.” she said. i took her hand and shook it.   
“rose.” i introduced my self too.  
“ohh that’s a pretty name. i’m never actually seen you around, but you don’t look like you’re in first year-“  
“i’m actually in fifth. but i’m new.” i said wondering how many times i would have to tell this story.  
“oh were you homeschooled?”  
“i was actually.” i said smiling a little.   
then, dumbledore cleared his throat. i looked up at the staff table. i saw a few familiar faces including minerva mcgonagall who looked exactly the same,’only with fewer lines on her face. and professor flitwick, and the ghost binns. i did recognize the care of magical creatures professor as the woman who taught before hagrid, but i didn’t know who the potions professor was. one by one, the students, each one looking nervous, stepped up to the chair to be sorted. 10 students joined Gryffindor table   
and i clapped for each one along with everyone else.   
after the feast, dumbledore said a few words. literally, and then the feast began.  
sirius tried to pile things in my plate but i stopped him.  
“i’m a vegetarian.” i said stopping him from putting a lamb chop on my plate.  
“oh.” but james made fun of me.  
“you’re a vegetarian?” he asked.   
“yeah i believe in animal rights.” i said a little softly.   
“oh then you’re going to love us.” sirius joked. i wasn’t supposed to understand that but i did so it took everything in me not to laugh.   
“what?” i asked innocently.   
“cause of our animal magnetism.” james put in.   
“ok.” i said seriously trying to keep a straight face. these guys were going to kill me.  
i shoved something in my mouth so i could stay shut.   
the feast ended too quickly and it was time to go up to the common room.   
i walked with the guys to the common room and they told me the password which was “diddly winkle.”   
the fat lady was just as boisterous as ever and i smiled at her before remembering she wouldn’t recognize me.   
i stepped in through the hole in the wall.   
“amazing.” i whispered looking around. the color scheme was exactly the same. the furniture was different, but it was the same type.  
the fireplace was ok as if it was just waiting for the students to come in and warm up after the chill of the carriage ride.   
“the girls dormitory is up there.” sirius pointed. “the girls in your year share the same room. there are five beds in my room so i’m assuming that it’s the same for you too.”  
i looked at him. he was so- just, there.   
“thank you sirius.” i said smiling. “really. i’m new here and you guys just, make   
me feel lm home.”  
sirius smiled too. “wow, that’s a lot of pressure to put on me isn’t it?” he asked but i just laughed.   
“good night sirius.” i said before waking up the staircase he indicated.   
i knew lily would be up there too since we were the same year. it was important to me that she liked me too. i would have liked to be her best friend. but then i remembered that when i was trying to impress the guys, i had bullied snape. and there’s no way he hadn’t told her. i groaned internally imagining how lily would react to me when she saw me.   
i did manage to convince myself though, that snape would call her mudblood soon so she would stop talking to him. maybe she wouldn’t hate me as much then. i walked into the dormitory that looked like it did 20 years in the future. the bed that i assumed was mine because it had my stuff next to it, had a canopy surrounding it, as did the other five beds. no one was there yet so i sat and waited. the first girl to come up was aurora.  
“hi!” i said as she came in.  
she smiled at me. “i was wondering who was going to fill out fifth bed.” she said.  
“it was only four before?” i asked without thinking, because it was usually five. but she didn’t find it weird.  
“yes we only got four female gryffindors our year. but it was almost like it was meant to be. like we were just waiting for you!”   
i smiled. that was such a nice thing to say.   
“who are the other three?” i asked.  
“a red head girl named lily. she can be really closed off. it took me three years to get to know her. another girl named nicky. she’s really nice, and weirdly she always knows the exact right thing to say, and then a girl named emma. i know. basic name right? but don’t be fooled. nothing about this girl is basic.” aurora was explaining these  
people to me like she was giving an explanation for a sitcom. i listened to her intently because i was genuinely interested, but also because she said it in such an entertaining way that it was hard not to care.  
finally, one by one the girls game up. emma has bright blue hair, was wearing thick eyeliner and had a piercing in her nose. well, aurora was definitely right about this girl not being basic. she was nice though. so was nicky who seemed really familiar, but i couldn’t place it. her wild her matched her personality exactly and i knew i was going to love getting to know her. finally, lily came up. just like i expected she gave me sort of a cold glance but still asked me my name. when she learned we were both named after flowers, she melted a little, bit i could tell she was still  
mad at me for hurting snape. even though i hadn’t really hurt him. it was a couple of harmless pranks. still, i couldn’t handle the fact that lily didn’t like me, and i considered using magic to get her to before i diminished the idea. i wanted the five of them to like me for who i was, not because i forced them into liking me.   
“lily.” i said as we were all getting ready for bed.  
“what?” she asked in a slightly hostile tone.  
i didn’t know what to say. should i bring up the fact that she didn’t like me and just acknowledge it, or should i just ignore it and continue on like we would be ok.  
“when i ran into you on the train-“  
her expression hardened. “you were with those boys.” she said.  
“yeah, i sort of just ran into them though.”  
“so they didn’t tell you to harass severus.” i stared at her. it really was about him then. i wondered how she could like snape so much, considering how he treated harry, ron, hermione, neville, me. but maybe he wasn’t like that to her. i had no idea what their relationship was like.   
“i didn’t- harass him.” i said. “i was playing a prank.”  
“yeah severus told me all about your prank.” she said. “that you threatened him?”  
“actually, he threatened me.” o said quietly. “i did make him see an insect that was there, and levitate his robes a little, but i never threatened him.”  
lily’s expression softened a little. “i’m going to give you some advice.” she said. “don’t hang out with those boys. they’re not good news,” i stared at her. she was supposed to fall in love with james. they were supposed to have a baby. how would they do that if she hated him?   
“what you think i’m wrong?” she asked reading the expression on my face.  
“i, haven’t really known them for very long.” i lies. “but, they don’t seem like bad guys.”  
“they’re not. really.” lily said. “but, they’re a bit full of themselves. especially that potter.” but she singled him out.   
“maybe you don’t know that well?” i suggested. and she looked appalled.   
“trust me, i know them enough.” she muttered. “they’ve had it against severus since day one.”  
“and you’ve been friends with severus-?”  
“since before school even started.” lily said quietly. “i’m not sure we would have even been friends if we met here. with him being in slytherin.”   
i stared at her. i did know that she and james got together in sixth year, but i didn’t know she was friends with snape. that didn’t explain anything. snape bullies harry because of his father, but then why, if he liked harry’s mother- unless he felt betrayed that she had fallen in love with james rather than him.   
“oh my gods.” i muttered out loud on accident.   
“what?” lily asked.  
“snape. he’s- is he- in love with you?” i asked.   
“what? no!” she said quickly.   
i stared at her surprised. i had never for a second thought that snape would be in love with lily. i hopes she didn’t have feelings for him. but there’s no way she didn’t know, and in five years if she didn’t like him, then i didn’t think she would.  
“i mean- yeah, i’ve thought so, but rose i don’t have feelings for him at all. i mean we were good friends five years ago, but, now, i feel like we’ve grown apart.”  
i nodded. “i know what that feels like.” i whispered. even hermione and i had grown apart during the year i spent with sirius. so much so that i had left her and all of my friends to come be with sirius. if this worked, i would be saving lily and james and sirius, but i also wouldn’t be friends with hermione. that thought made me incredibly sad but i willed myself not cry for like the fourth time that day.  
“hey.” she said softly coming over to put an arm around me. whatever anger she had towards me before had melted away. “are you ok?”  
“i just left a lot of my friends behind.” i whispered. “when my father moved us here i mean.”   
that was a conflicting story and i hoped she and sirius wouldn’t share stories about me.   
“i’m sorry.” she said. “but we are your friends now.” she smiled.  
i smiled back at her wiping away the single tear that had managed to fall. she hugged me and i felt immensely guilty. i couldn’t believe that i had gotten her to hold me and hug me before even harry had. that thought made me want to cry more. but i didn’t. at least lily liked me now. she had called me her friend which meant if she was angry with me for hurting snape. she wasn’t anymore. i stayed awake a long time that night thinking about snape. and how even though i did know that she wouldn’t end up with him, i had to make absolutely sure that the series of events that drove them apart happened.   
the next morning, i was the last one up because i slept the latest. aurora actually had to shake me away.  
“sorry.” she said apologetically. “i tried to let you sleep as much as possible, but if you want to make breakfast you have to get up now.”  
“thanks!” i said. rubbing my eyes and flinging myself out of bed.   
i got dressed quickly and grabbed my backpack that i had packed last night and my class schedule that was on top of the nightstand near my bed.   
“the great hall for breakfast then?” i asked aurora and she smiled. “what’s your first class?”  
i looked down. “divination today.” i said.  
“oh i don’t have that class, but i can get someone to take you if you want. it’s at the top of the north tower.” she rattled off.   
“thanks, but i think i can find it.” i said without wanting to explain that i had been there hundreds of times.   
i walked downstairs with here because the other three had already gone. i was about to step out of the portrait hole when a voice said   
“hey! rose!”  
i turned around to see sirius bounding down the last two steps holding his stuff too.  
“you’re going to the great hall?” he asked.  
i nodded.   
“perfect timing then!” he said. “what’s your first class?”  
“divination.” i replied.  
“with professor arania ?” he asked and i nodded again looking down at the paper.  
“me too.”  
sirius looked awkward. so i said “i actually don’t know where it is.” aurora, who was just waking by looked between me and him but didn’t say anything.   
“we can go together then.” sirius said opening the hole again after the portrait had swung shut.   
“yeah, that would be great.” i smiled following him out of the hole. we walked to the great hall where the four girls from my dorm and sirius’s friends were seated,  
already eating.  
as sirius sat down next to james and swung his backpack to the ground, i saw james mutter something to sirius. sirius, in turn turned bright red again and shoved james off.   
i sat down next to them and next to another girl whom i didn’t know. this girl, however did not introduce herself.   
after breakfast. sirius, his friends and i headed up to the north tower. i had to pretend to follow their lead because i wasn’t supposed to know where it was.   
the room was just as small as i remembered it. the curtains were draped but it didn’t smell as bad. there were small tables but not chairs, so we had to sit on the floor. there were three people to a table. so i went to where lily was.   
“hey!” she greeted me as i plopped my bag next to hers and sat down on the floor.  
“hi.” i said back. sirius walked over to us and said.   
“those guys kicked me out, so guess you’re stuck with me today.”  
i watched him sit down, even though lily didn’t look too happy, she didn’t say anything.   
professor arania walked into the room less mysteriously than trelawney had on my first day of classes.  
“hello students.” she said, her voice echoing across the room. sirius gave me a look that said “this woman’s an absolute quack.” but she couldn’t be any worse than trelawney.  
“ah yes.” she said coming over to me. she was dressed in hippie robes and her hair was as unkempt as nickys was. she was wearing glasses just like trelawney had and i wondered if it was just a divination teacher thing.  
“hello,professor.” i said a little awkwardly since she had singled me out.  
“i knew a new number would be joining us this year.” she said a little mysteriously. even though there was no way she could have known that since technically i hadn’t even existed yet, i nodded.  
“it’s nice to have a new face in class.” she continued. “but that does not mean that we don’t have just as much to do as last year to prepare for OWL exams at the end of the year.”  
i didn’t know we had to take an owl exam for this class. i had just taken whatever classes and hoped most of the would be with either the marauders or lily.  
guess this one was with both.  
“we are starting with dream examinations today.” she said. “i do believe i had asked you all to keep a dream journal over the summer?”  
everyone nodded and went to pull out a notebook.   
“since you didn’t, you will be unfogging your partners dreams with them.” she said to me. i nodded.  
“guess i’m learning what goes on in your subconsciousness today.” i said jokingly to lily and sirius.   
“oh there’s no way these dreams are real.” sirius muttered to me under his breathe.  
“oh that’s a shame.” i said with a sight wink. lily looked between us and then stared at me. i looked down guiltily. i know i shouldn’t be flirting with sirius. i was there for spending time with him yes, but mostly to protect james and lily. it wouldn’t do for me to get distracted by sirius’s eyes or his hair, or his whimsical attitude. no, besides it was too weird anyway. he was basically my father figure for an entire year.   
i took his dream diary from him and read one of them.  
“you’re telling me you /didn’t/ dream that your entire family turned into baguettes and chased you around the neighborhood for hours?” i asked suspiciously.  
“shut up.” he muttered and took the book back. lily and i laughed.  
by the time that class ended, we were incredibly bored. seriously,  
turned out that reading and analyzing dreams was not something that i enjoyed. but still, it was the first time i’d been to class, first time i had had something to do in over a year. as much as i hadn’t wanted to go back to hogwarts last year, i missed having the stimulation of school work.   
i actually smiled during the next class, ancient runes when we were assigned an entire parchment of a research paper. i missed it so much.  
by our third class, sirius and i has compared schedules and he, james, remus, peter and i had the exact same schedule. they had done that on purpose, but it was a little weird that i had the same schedule too. of course i has generated it like that on purpose too, but i couldn’t tell them that. i just shrugged and looked at the paper in fake awe.   
“guess you’re sticking with us then.” james said comfortably. when our third class, potions ended, professor horace slughorn, snapes predecessor, has actually assigned us a three foot role of parchment.   
when i walked into my fourth class of the day after lunch, which i had eaten with the guys, awkwardly, i got immediate nostalgia. i knew mcgonagall didn’t know me, but i knew her and i liked her very much. she looked so young. i mean, she still looked young in the future, but there were less lines on her face. i wanted  
to talk to her before class started so i left lunch early.  
she was in class sitting at her desk.   
“ms. castle ,” she said looking up from her paper when i walked in. i had given them a fake name. obviously since hogwarts was a castle and since my house with rumplestiltskin was as big as a castle- it just seemed cool.   
“professor mcgonagall.” i smiled walking in. “you’re my head of house and i just wanted to meet you before class actually started.  
“ah yes.” she said. “i do look forward to having you in my class.”  
i couldn’t stop smiling. even though i was loving 1995, seeing her again made me miss hermione desperately. my hand went to the locket on my neck again.  
“i have not had much practice with transfiguration recently.” i said carefully. “but i was taught enough to know what to do.”   
she nodded. “well, yes, i do hope to catch you up to everyone, and of  
course i am always available if you have any questions.   
lily waked into the room. mcgonagall acknowledged her.  
“ms evans.” she called and lily walked up to us. “since rose is new here, i would  
like you to be her study partner.” she looked at me. “lily is one of the highest performing students in the class.” she said proudly. i smiled at lily too.   
“i would love to help i any way i can.” lily said. she didn’t seem to have an aversion to it, but even if she did,  
it’s not  
like she could refuse in front of mcgonagall. but we were friends now, she had said so herself last night. i didn’t think she would have a problem with me. i sat down next to her in the front of the classroom. one by one everyone walked in. it was gryffindors and Hufflepuffs in fifth year so there were only 25 students in the class.  
she asked us to transfigure an animal. i didn’t know she would ask us to do animal transformations on the first day, but luckily, my magic was extremely advanced even after not having it for a year. i finished the task easily and then lily did too just a few seconds after me.  
“seems to me like you don’t even need help.” lily said eying my goblet.  
“well i’ve had practice with this. but i don’t know about the rest of it.” i said slowly. i turned to see who else was done, but even though remus was almost there, no one else was about to finish. not even james or sirius.   
once we had changed the frog into the goblet, we had to change the goblet back into the frog. that was challenging. the first time i did it, it became a toad and mcgonogall tsked at me which made  
me feel under accomplished.  
so i tried again and on my third try,  
i did it. by the end of the hour, everyone had accomplished it too except for two boys in hufflepuff who mcgonogall assigned extra practice as homework. surprisingly, she didn’t assign the rest of us anything, which i actually didn’t take as a good sign, because even though she was light on coursework in the beginning, her class would become of the most difficult classes that we would take.  
it was only four classes for that,  
so i clambered up to the Gryffindor tower under the weight of all the books in my bag.   
i started laying out everything in a table in the corner as i figured that i should start working on the studs before it became overwhelming. i guess lily had the same idea because she sat down next to me and started pulling stuff out of her bag too.  
“hey.” i said. she smiled at me.  
“you want to work together on this stuff.”  
“you know, i’m usually used to working alone or with severus but since i had no classes with him today. why not?”  
i looked offended. “i’m so glad i can be your why not.” i said. her eyes widened.  
“no, i didn’t mean-“  
my face broke out into a smile. “i’m kidding lily.” i said.  
and her face relaxed too. “right.” she muttered.   
the common room became noisier and noisier as the hours  
passed. i had only managed to finish one foot of the potions essay when i couldn’t concentrate anymore. i pretended to stare at a book but i was actually watching the people in the common room.   
“you guys are doing this already?” it was peter. he was walking up to us with his friends.  
“seriously?” james looked offended that we were working already. “it’s the first day. this stuff isn’t due for ages.”  
“it’s due next week.” lily said. “and why do you care anyway?”  
“well we don’t like seeing people put their minds to good use when they don’t have to.” sirius said. “were about to play quidditch. you want to come out to the grounds? rose, i know you’ve never been.”  
i stared at him. i knew james played quidditch but i didn’t know the rest of them did.  
“you play quidditch?” i asked.  
sirius shrugged. “you like a guy whose good with a broom and balls?” he asked  
“i don’t think you know what you’re saying.” i said.  
“no,” remus cut in. “james played professionally, the rest of play for fun.” he said.  
“you guys any good?” i asked.  
“we are.” sirius said. then he lowered his voice and pointed at peter, “don’t him, but he’s not as good as he thinks he is.”   
“hey!” peter exclaimed and i laughed.   
“so you guys want to come?” james asked again running his fingers through his hair ruffing it back. but he was looking at lily.  
i smiled at him because it was obvious he really wanted to impress her with something possible new he had learned.  
lily looked like she was about to say no, but it was beautiful outside and the common room was noisy.  
“yes.” i said answering for both of us. she gave me a reprimanding look but i ignored her.  
“can you give us a few  
minutes to pack this up?” i asked.  
“yeah, we have to get our brooms anyway.” james said looking surprised. they walked up the staircase to your dorm and i started picking up the books.  
“why did you that?” lily slapped me with the back of her hand.  
“come on, lily.” i said. “it’s too loud to concentrate, plus i’ve never been out there. it could be fun.”  
“to watch the boys sitting on their brooms and fly all over the place?” she asked  
skeptically. but before she could pass i had packed up her stuff too and stood up offering her a hand.  
“if you really don’t enjoy it, we can find a quieter place to study.” i said.  
she looked like she was contemplating the decision but finally took my hand. i beamed at her as she stood up.  
“it’ll be fun.!” i said again.  
“don’t push it.” she replied, and just then the four guys walked down dressed in gear that was clearly only enough for one person but they were all sharing. it looked ridiculous but they looked proud.  
i shook my head in disbelief but lily and i followed them out into the field. the bleachers were smaller than they would be, but also looked old so it would obviously be replaced in the next twenty years. lily and i climbed to the top and watched as the four of them flew on broomsticks they had borrowed from the team. it became clear very quickly why james was the only one of them on the team. from a distance. it almost  
felt like it was harry flying and i was sitting next to hermione and nothing else had happened. but so much had. i didn’t want to become sad. i hated that that moment that i was supposed to be happy was being overtaken by a moment of sadness. i shook my head and the tears disappeared. o looked over at lily who was watching the boys play. when she noticed  
me  
looking at her she asked “what?”  
“nothing.” i said quietly. “i’m just- glad i’m here.”  
“yeah, i’m glad you’re here too.” she said. “because if you weren’t, i’d be getting ahead of my homework right now and now watching four boys i only know because they’re in my heat play a game of fame quidditch.”  
“if you want to leave, we can.” i said quietly.  
“no. i don’t.” she said. “i’m sorry, i was just kidding.”  
soon after that, they stopped playing and mounted on the ground. james waves to lily who waved half back.  
i looked at her. she was trying not to smile but i was glad she was warming up to him. i tried to mask my smile too but i could only barely hide it.   
we walked down the stairs to them so we could walk back up the the tower.  
“so how did we do?” james asked and lily looked displeasured at having to admit that she actually thought he did well.  
“we are going to take a shower and we’ll meet you guys in the great hall?” james asked hopefully, again only looking at lily. she nodded but her ears turned red which she hid by untucking her hair from behind her head.  
“i’m going to take a shower too.” she whispered to me staring at them as they walked away  
“ok.” i said. i wanted to too, but i didn’t want to follow her since she obviously wanted to be left alone.   
i went to the common room not wanting to go to the dining hall alone. the girls from my dormitory were there.  
“hey guys.” i said walking over to them. they nodded at me but aurora got up and said “hey!” in an over enthusiastic voice.  
then she lowered her voice and pulled me down.  
“how did it go today?”  
“great.” i said. “i’m really loving it here this year.”  
she smiled. “that’s awesome. so this morning- i couldn’t help but notice. sirius?”  
i looked confused for a second before remembering that i had told her i didn’t need her help but then accepted sirius’s.  
i reddened and i could feel my cheeks getting warm.  
“were friends now i guess.” i said.  
“i would be careful around then.” emma said cryptically.  
i looked at her. “they’re nice.” i said.  
nicky looked a little bored. “they’re all nice.” she said. “until they’re not.”  
“that’s so dark.” i said. “i feel like i’ve known them for years.”   
“it’s so weird because they have the effect on people.” emma said. “but seriously. they’re so weird. i mean james and sirius have this sweet but bad boy energy and remus has this nerdy but sweet but energy. and,” she lowered her voice more. “honestly, i don’t even know why they hang out with peter. that kid just, radiates bad energy.”   
“yeah?” i asked leaning in. “has peter, done anything?”   
she shook her head. “but i just know that kids got a kick or two in the head.”  
i didn’t know what to say. obviously i agreed that peter was bad news but i couldn’t straight up two them. not yet.  
i’d only known them for a couple of days. they’d known each other for five years.   
“are you guys going down to dinner?” i asked sliding away from the table a little.   
“yeah, we should.” aurora said standing up.   
just like they said the marauders were already at the table. sirius waved to me and i walked over there with nicky, emma and aurora.  
emma sighed. “so you’re still sitting with them then?” she whispered.  
i didn’t answer but i went to sit next to him. the other girls sat across from me.  
“hey, i can’t believe you got lily to come watch us play quidditch.” sirius whispered to me. remus was sitting right next to him and peter was taking to him and james so i’m sirius probably thought he wasn’t paying attention.  
“i don’t think lily has anything against you guys-“ i said but sirius shook his head.  
“no, she’s been going out of her way for the last four years to let us know exactly what she thinks of us.”  
“but james?” i asked. “he likes her right? why would you guys act like asses in front of her?”  
sirius frowned. “i wouldn’t say-“  
“save it.” i said putting a hand up. “i really like you guys, but you have a- well reputation.”  
he looked taken aback. “reputation?” he repeated. “guys hear that?” he turned to the boys. “we have a reputation.”  
“reputation for what exactly?” remus asked.  
i turned red. “it’s not my opinion.” i said quietly. “i like you guys, it’s just-“  
“well if you like us-“ sirius said looking at them.   
“shut up.” i muttered. sirius laughed at  
my evident discomfort.   
“look, i know we have a reputation.” sirius said. “i mean, we’re in sententious at least once a week.”  
“they-“ remus interrupted. “sirius and james and peter are in detention once a week.”  
“noted.” i smiled.   
lily didn’t actually show up for dinner that night so i packed whatever wouldn’t soak through the napkins and walked upstairs behind sirius and james and remus and peter. when i found her, she was already ready for bed.  
“hey.” i said softly. “i brought you food.”   
“thanks.” she said taking the napkin. but she didn’t eat anything.  
“what happened?” i asked not wanting to push her too much.  
she sat on her bed which was right next to mine. “i- don’t know.” she said.   
“don’t know?”  
“i don’t know why i came downstairs with you. i mean. you asked and i felt  
like it was a good idea-“  
“hey, what happened? did james say something to you?”  
“no, not james.”  
“snape?” i whispered.  
a tear rolled down her face.  
“look, you’re new here. you don’t know how things work. snape is my friend.”  
“but if he hurt you, i will kill him.” i said and i really meant it.  
“no, he didn’t hurt me. i just, feel like i’m betraying him. for- even spending time near james.”  
i sat down next to her and wrapped my shoulder over her like she’d done to me  
the last night.  
“that’s ridiculous.” i said. “you don’t owe snape anything. and- i know they have a reputation. but i have an instinct for bad guys, and these guys, they don’t seem bad. reckless, arrogant, maybe even selfish, but they’re not bad.”  
lily nodded wiping her face.  
“but they’ve hurt severus.” she said. “they did, not as much after a couple of years, but in the beginning, their rivalry was really bad.”  
i did know that. but snape was a dark wizard and whatever they did he probably deserved it.  
of course i wasn’t going to tell her that right now.   
“was it a give/take thing, or was it one way?” i asked hoping to lead her to the right conclusion.  
“look: i’m not saying severus is innocent, i just- he was my friend first.”  
“and friends are allowed to grow apart.” i said firmly. “just because you want to spend time with me- or even james, does not mean you’re betraYing him. you’re allowed to be friends with anyone.” i looked into her face which was still hung. “please believe that.” i whispered.  
she nodded finally. “thanks rose.” she said. i smiled with relief and went to bed.  
the next day i had four more classes. charms. defense against the dark arts, history of magic and arithmency, which i didn’t want to take because i had been terrible at it in my third year, but sirius was taking it, besides it was either that or muggle studies and i didn’t want to take an owl exam for muggle studies.   
when we awoke the next morning, lily wasn’t in a bad mood anymore. i was a little worried about going to defense against the dark arts, but this was twenty years ago. i could keep it together. since i had gotten my magic back, i felt  
mostly healed anyway. it was almost like the lack of magic was a reminder everyday of the trauma, but now i was ok.   
i walked with lily to the classroom but ran into remus and sirius outside of the classroom. apparently they were waiting for james and peter. i paused in front of the room.  
“Are you ok?” lily whispered.  
i nodded but i felt a little nauseous.   
“go ahead.” i said. “save me a seat.” she patted my arm but walked inside. i steadied myself. i had known this was coming, i would be ok. i was ok.   
“not going inside?” sirius asked, both of them walking up to me.  
“i am- i just- have some bad experiences with dark arts.” i said.  
“good thing we’re learning defense against it.” remus said. but he was looking at me quizzically.   
i tried to smile nonchalantly. i hated that these two didn’t know where i was really from. they were looking straight through me. just being there with the both of them brought strange flashbacks. feelings of jealousy again that i hadn’t felt in months. it wasn’t really selfish jealousy, but i couldn’t explain it. more like, i couldn’t handle the fact that they knew each other but didn’t know me.   
“actually, defense against the dark arts and charms were my best subjects.” i said lightly. “but to be fair. i was my class’s topper in all subjects every year.”  
“were you homeschooled?”  
“and an only child?” sirius added.  
i laughed, but just then, james and peter  
came running in trying to catch their breathe.   
“should we go in then?” james asked looking at all of us in turn.  
we nodded. i walked into the classroom, holding my breathe but nothing happened. no wave of fear or panic or nausea. i was right, i was completely ok.  
i sat next to lily and dropped my bag down.  
“whose the professor?” i whispered because the name on the paper that was there had disappeared minutes ago and another one had no appeared.  
she shrugged. we waited for about five minutes silently, for a professor to walk in, and finally one did.  
he was a tall lean man, dark hair, and thick lips, a low jawline. i didn’t know him at al, but something about his eyes- they were piercing blue like i’d seen them before. but i didn’t know this man. i wanted to ignore it, i really did. but instinct told me that i shouldn’t. the first  
class was actually pretty fun. i really was good at defense against the dark arts but to be fair, i did have a lot of practice with it, with my father and all.  
i wanted to linger and talk to the professor who had introduced himself as professor fayle. he explained his absence at the great hall for the last couple of days by saying that he was only hired that morning as the professor before got suddenly ill yesterday and had to go home. i didn’t believe that for a second especially because it was an eerily similar excuse to what had happened to me. i decided that whatever had happened the professor, if something had actually happened, i couldn’t just ignore it. after class, i ran to professor mcgonogall. her class was just leaving so i had to wait outside for a minute before i could even enter the classroom.  
“hello ms castle.” she said. smiling at me.  
“hello professor.” i said.  
“what brings you here today?”  
i suddenly felt ridiculous. what was i even going to say? “professor mcgonogall the other defense against the dark arts professor just disappeared and i wanted to make sure he actually left because of an illness and isn’t locked in a chest somewhere?”  
she kept staring at me and i opened and closed my mouth like a trout.  
“well, it’s about the name on my schedule actually.” i said lamely, pulling it out. “up until yesterday, there was a different defense against the dark arts professor-“  
“and today there is a new one?” she asked looking down at the paper.   
i nodded. “i just wanted to ask if that was a normal thing? i know i sound suspicious-“  
“but, with your father being who he is. i suppose i understand.” she said.  
i stared at her. “you know?” i asked in disbelief.  
“dumbledore did mention to me yes, the staff knows but seeing as how you changed your name before coming, the students don’t know, just like you wanted i suppose.” she said.  
i didn’t know what to say. my father wasn’t even supposed to know who i was yet. i wouldn’t even be born for five years. unless- this is exactly what he was planning? but how could it be. not even he could be that well planned.  
right?   
i didn’t know what to say. there’s no way my father could have known i was here. but i guess there was one way to find out. i could apparate in and out of hogwarts. that night i would just have to confront him in his own house.   
“yes, i suppose being the daughter of a king isn’t easy, is it?” she asked looking up at me. “although, if i had to choose a last name that wouldn’t trace back to a kingdom, i suppose i would have gone less congruous than ‘castle.’” i froze. daughter of a king? no, that wasn’t right. who did she think my father was? should i even ask?  
“professor-“ i said slowly. “who do you think my father is?”  
“rumplestiltskin.” she said easily.   
i remained silent.   
“i’m sorry.” she said. “i thought you knew that we knew.” i nodded lightly.   
“um,-“ i started but i didn’t know how to continue.   
she looked as uncomfortable as i felt. “don’t worry.” she said. “we won’t tell anyone.”   
i nodded lightly. in that moment i had forgotten what i’d even come in for.  
“but- the professor?” i asked my voice cracking a little.   
“i talked to him yesterday.” she said quietly. “he’s fine. he just needed some time off. he taught last year, but- i guess he just got sick.”  
i nodded.  
as long as she had talked to him. i picked up the schedule and walked out, even though mcgonogall looked like she wanted to say something else. i didn’t want to hear it. i didn’t even mention my father to dumbledore when i spent a few minutes in his office before fast forwarding to the hogwarts express.   
how could he have possible known? he couldn’t have unless my father had contacted him directly.  
and the only way he could have done that is if he knew about me. which meant he would have planned all of this, right up to me coming back in time to save lily and james. did that mean he knew about my magic? which meant he was coming after me now right? but as long as i was at hogwarts i was safe. maybe, especially since i’m 1995, my father was alive and well, (because in one version i killed him).   
the only way i was going to figure this out was to confront him. but if he didn’t know i was there, then if i did talk to him, i would just be exposing myself.   
there was only one thing i could do, just continue on and see what happened. i had accepted a long time ago that rumplestiltskin had control over every single aspect of my life. it made me want to strangle him, but i had power now. and i knew his exact nature which meant i could protect myself against him no matter what. i already knew what he wanted, and if he did want me here right now, i now knew it, which meant i could watch out for him.   
i walked reluctantly to the history of magic classroom. i remembered how boring professor binns was, or would be, and i really didn’t want to sit through it for the next 90 minutes. but, the boring class would be a perfect time to think through my next steps.  
“hey,” it was sirius. lily wasn’t in this class with us and i wondered where she was since this was a required one for everyone which meant she wouldn’t be in arithmency with us next period.   
“where did you run off to after class?” sirius asked putting his books down.  
i sat down next to him.   
“i had to go see professor mcgonogall.” i said quietly.  
sirius nodded.   
professor binns immediately started lecturing as soon as the bell rang. there were four consecutive tables each one behind the other. sirius, his friends and i sat at the very back, although sort of to the middle. i did not pay attention to any of it. what he was saying was in the textbook anyway and it was just too boring. i zoned out and started thinking about my father. it was obvious what he wanted, i just had no idea what kind of plan he could have had.   
the only way i could protect myself and my friends was by figuring out what he wanted. and there was also voldemort to worry about. dumbledore had told harry about a prophecy (in both versions) and it had seemed important. he said that prophecy was the reason voldemort would go after lily and james. but- if he didn’t, then he wouldn’t have died, even for the 13 years. which now meant i had more  
problems than i could handle. i had to save my friends, “kill” voldemort and stop my father from controlling my power. it was too much. i started breathing really hard, and i guess it was kind of loud because the boys looked over at me.   
i closed my eyes trying to make it stop but images of older sirius dead, and my father kept flashing through my mind and i could stop shaking.  
“rose?” sirius asked quietly. but i had stood up.  
“i’ll- see your later-“ i breathed and almost walked walked out but binns notices me.  
“ms castle?” he asked.  
“sorry professor, headache.” i muttered and ran out quickly.  
i had to get outside, i just needed fresh air. it was so embarrassing that that had just happened. i hadn’t had a panic attack this severe in, since the boggart, actually.   
i stumbled outside to the grounds in front of the lake and sat down under the biggest tree. it was my favorite place to sit before anyway and it calmed me down a little. i leaned against the tree and tried to control my breathing. the warm rays of sunshine warmed me up enough to stop shaking. i hadn’t even realized that i was sitting outside for almost an hour, but i had because before i knew it, i felt four silhouettes tower over me.  
i opened one eye to see sirius, james. peter and remus. for a second, i thought it was harry, ron and hermione, even though i had no idea why. only james looked like harry. but this was something they would’ve done. they too would have come out to find me.  
“what-?” i asked  
“are you ok?” james and remus asked together.  
i nodded weakly knowing they weren’t going to believe me. just like i thought sirius raised an eye brow and they sat down cries cross around me.  
“it’s just a headache.” i muttered.  
“right, and you always run out of class because of a headache?” remus asked.  
“the boring content of the lecture aggravated it.” i said.  
“so you’re going to be running out of class everyday from now on?” i stared at him. why did they even care? they’d only known me for a couple of days.  
“don’t you guys have a class in like ten minutes?” i asked a little irritated.  
“you do too.” james pointed out.  
“yeah but i-“  
“have a headache.” sirius said. “yeah.”  
“so, don’t waste time here.” i said. “go to class.”  
“ok worst case professor lovecrafts going to give us a detention.” sirius said in awe like it was some kind of joke. he and james looked at each other.  
“maybe you should go then remus.” peter added.  
i didn’t want to be the reason these guys got a detention and i had a feeling they weren’t going to leave without me. my problems would be my problems no matter what. i’d already missed one year because of them. i couldn’t let the  
mess this year up too. i grabbed my stuff and stood up and held my hand down to whoever wanted to grab it. peter did and i pulled him up wincing a little because even though i was trying to remain neutral, i felt like killing him before james and lily could make him secret keeper was the best move. but there’s no way the murder would be ignored and even though i would’ve careful, if dumbledore even became a little suspicious of me, everything would be over. plus, i’d never killed a person before, i wouldn’t even know if i could do it. and of course that would just make me my father again. james and sirius and remus stood up with their stuff and brushed the dead grass off themselves.   
we walked to arithmency in silence and professor lovecraft wasn’t even as boring as i had expected. i didn’t expect to like arithmency but i finally understood what hermione kept going on about. it was more logic than math, and was actually kind of similar to ancient runes. of course, she gave us a 100 word problem packet due the following week and there was a collective groan from the class. i figured though if the five is worked together we could solve it in no time.   
as that was the last class of the day and it was still nice outside, i wanted to go sit outside to start my homework. i ran into lily and aurora whom i invited to come with me. i could feel sirius and remus watching me as i bid them goodbye for a few hours and headed outside with lily and aurora.   
“how was history?” lily asked as we settled on the cool grass.  
“i don’t know actually.” i said.  
she tilted her head.  
“yeah, i got a headache in the middle and sort of walked out. but that’s not the point. lil, the guys found me after class and were actually willing to skip arithmency to sit with me.” i wanted her to understand that they were really good guys.  
“that doesn’t sound like them.” aurora said shaking her head.   
“but it was.” i said. “i know what they might have been like, but i also think that they’re good.”  
“good at being arrogant maybe.” muttered lily but i saw a flicker of something in her eyes.  
later that night, when aurora wasn’t around, she asked me what exactly they had done. i told her that they were willing to get detention to make sure i was ok. lily’s lips twitched a little but she didn’t say anything.  
at dinner, the boys caught up to us.  
“so your headaches gone then?” sirius asked sitting across from me. i smiled and nodded.  
“because you boys cared so much.” i said. “you healed me with your love.”  
they laughed but i saw lily bite her lip a little while looking at james.  
“so, evans.” james said. “you want to work on the charms assignment together?”  
i looked at her but she didn’t look eager to answer.  
“work with you?” she asked. “do you even know how to work?”   
“as a matter of fact.” james said leaning across the table. “i do. i’m a hard worker.”  
lily raised an eyebrow. “tomorrow 5 pm, if you’re late you can forget it. and leave your cocky attitude somewhere else.” she added.  
james winked and gave a grin but lily looked down at her food.   
i pushed her shoulder with mine like i was proud of her for finally going to spend time with james but she didn’t look up.   
once we went back to the dorms she pulled me aside and muttered, “listen, show up after about 30 minutes. if it’s going badly i need an excuse.” but i just smiled.  
“first of all, it’s going badly, just tell him and leave, you don’t need an excuse, and two, i don’t think it’s going to go badly.”  
“still.” she said. “ok? because severus.-“  
i grabbed her arm.  
“lily, you don’t owe snape anything ok? if you like james, you like james.”  
“i don’t like james.” she said indignantly. but still she turned a little red so i could tell that she did. plus they were soulmates. they deserve longer than four years together but that was why i was here.   
i lay awake in bed contemplating for a long time about whether or not i should go see 1995 rumplestiltskin.   
i couldn’t sleep which i had expected because i had too much to think about. i tried telling myself that there was nothing i could do about it in that moment, but that was a lie. if i went to see what rumplestiltskin was doing, that was something i could do. would they even notice my absence? i could only hear the heavy breathing of a sleeping person from three of them and i figured it was lily who was the other person who wasn’t asleep.  
i wouldn’t go. not that night. if he did plan for this, then i had an advantage because i knew. if he didn’t plan for this, which seemed unlikely, then if i did go, i’d be showing my hand. i would be revealing myself and giving him access to information that he didn’t need.  
but i realized i didn’t even have a plan. made a big deal deal about  
calling sirius reckless a few days ago but i was being the same reckless and arrogant. i thought i could fix everything, but was i even supposed to? no. that thought couldn’t cross my mind. of course i should. sirius and james and lily, and i’d be saving countless others- Neville’s parents, other members of the order.   
but i wouldn’t be able to do anything for the next two or three years anyway.   
and what about when i did make sure  
peter wasn’t the secret keeper? would he betray them anyway? i mean, he wouldn’t be able to give away their location, but, would he stay? or run to voldemort? and voldemort killing lily, and then attempting to kill harry was the reason he was even “dead” for thirteen years. how would i be able to make any of that happen? i was new to this much power. i never knew i even had it in the past. at least, i didn’t know i had so much that enemies were after me all the time to the point my father had to build a vault for me. and then there was him himself who was trying to control my power. but he’d tried in the past and never succeeded, so he wouldn’t now either.   
before though, i had my friends. i had sirius and remus and hermione, ron and harry. and dumbledore. dumbledore was an important ally. and since i had forgiven him, it almost painful to keep everything from him.  
i wondered if i should tell him at  
least. would he even believe me? and if he did, would he have answers?   
i sat up in bed quietly. i could write to dumbledore. without signing my name- i could just say that i’m from the future and that i have proof. but without knowing who it was, he’d dismiss it as a prank. or maybe worse, what if he thought it was dark magic? then we would be right back at me looking suspicious. james and  
lily were just starting to trust me.   
i was helping them get together. i couldn’t let myself get distracted. even though i was with sirius, who was the person that i trusted most, who was my best friend and a father figure, i couldn’t help but feel completely and utterly alone. it would be weird if i saw him as my father now. we were the same age, and i was here to save him. but him not knowing who i am, him learning about me all over again, it was more painful than dumbledore not knowing me, than mcgonogall not knowing me, even more than missing hermione and harry and the weasleys. what if i just went back to the future? what if just abandoned all of this and went back to my timeline. sirius would be dead, but at least everyone would know me. i’d have hermione. and remus. remus would still be there.  
remus who was very similar to sirius but didn’t quite understand.  
and that’s when it hit me, sirius didn’t understand. that’s why i felt so lonely. not just because he didn’t know me but because he hadn’t gone through the darkness yet. and if i stayed in this timeline. he never would. which was exactly what i wanted but still, a small corner of my mind, it wouldn’t stop nagging at me.  
“what if i don’t like this version of sirius?” it asked. but that was ridiculous. i knew sirius now, and i liked him. i liked him a lot, but could that just be the bias of future sirius? i was breaking out into a sweat again. the panic building at my chest. there was too much that i hadn’t thought about. too much that was different. i was completely alone here. even with sirius and lily and james and remus. i was completely alone.   
the next morning, i was up before everyone because i had never slept.  
around five am i just got out of bed and went downstairs and started pacing the common room.  
it was dark and empty. i thought about the house elves whom had probably just finished cleaning the  
place up when everyone was sleeping.  
even that left a pit of sadness in my stomach because of dobby. i would never see dobby again. when i would see harry again, he would only know  
me as his mothers best friend. not one of his.  
i desperately tried not to think about that. i really did, but the emptiness of the common room. the silence, it propelled me deeper into dread of what i was doing.   
“i’ll become close to sirius again.” i muttered. “it’s fine. things are different but that’s ok. you’re doing a good thing.” i kept pacing until i finally had no energy left. then, i sat down in a couch and apparently took a quick nap because next thing i new emma and nicky were waking me up. nicky raised her eyebrows.   
“you know you have a perfectly good bed upstairs, right?” she asked with a grin.  
“couldn’t sleep.” i muttered yawning and rubbing my eyes. “thanks for waking me up before anyone else came down though.” i was grateful that no one else had seen me sleeping. especially lily and the guys.   
“yeah,” nicky said holding out a hand to help me up.   
“thanks.” i got dressed and went down to the hall alone. i didn’t know why but i wanted to be alone. it was almost like i wanted to reaffirm the notion that i really was as alone as i thought.   
but that didn’t last long because lily literally pulled next to her. she was already sitting next to aurora, emma and nicky who smirked at me when i sat down.   
i smiled at nicky back, because i didn’t know why she smirked.  
it was the same schedule that day as monday, so divination was first.   
i sat exactly where i had sat before with lily and sirius between us.   
professor arania walked in a couple minutes late all mysteriously again and i rolled my eyes.   
“i hope you are keeping up with your dream journal.” she said in a low voice.   
there was a rustling as everyone pulled theirs out. i had written one down too but i had just made it up since i hadn’t actually slept.   
“you had a dream about falling off a cliff after being chased by some extra large food from the dining hall?” sirius asked pulling my journal towards him. “sounds eerily familiar doesn’t it?”   
i stared at it. “oops.” i muttered. i hadn’t even realized i had almost copied sirius’s dream. “sorry, i didn’t sleep and i didn’t realize.”  
“hey i was just kidding.” sirius said but he suddenly did look concerned. “you didn’t sleep?”  
i smiled slightly.  
“i’m fine sirius, it’s nothing that you need to get detention for.”   
sirius didn’t say anything, but after class as i tried to walk out, he pulled me aside.  
lily looked at me curiously but i nodded at her to go on.  
“what happened?” he asked seriously.  
i looked around. “what do you mean?”  
“i didn’t want to bring it up yesterday. but i know a panic attack when i see one.” i stared at him.  
but then i realized that he had run away from home,’or at least he was about to. his home life wasn’t great and he probably had anxiety.  
“i’m sorry that you know that.” i said quietly.  
he looked at me sadly. “i could tell you some sob story about my home life.” he said quietly. “but i want to make sure you’re ok. i haven’t met anyone whose had panic attacks as severe as you.”  
tears started forming in my eyes. i tried to stop them. crying in front of this sirius was different. i thought he didn’t understand but as he stood there, i realized he did. i desperately wanted to tell him about who i really was. then at least, maybe i wouldn’t feel so alone.   
i looked around again, anywhere to avoid looking at sirius’s face. i knew if i did i would blurt our everything and then he’d think i was insane or worse, he would believe me and he would do something himself to stop it.   
i tried to think of something quickly that would explain the attack without explaining everything but i couldn’t. i just stood there silently.   
“ok,” he said finally. “you don’t have to tell me.” i thought he would have been angry but he continued. “i’m not mad, at all.  
but just know, that whenever you do want to talk. whenever you want to tell someone,‘i’m here. and i think you’ll  
find i understand better than you might think.”   
those last words were suspicious. i looked at him  
just before he walked away. could be possible know something about me? maybe he heard a rumor or something? maybe from one of the staff about how my father actually is rumplestiltskin? how  
else could he understand? he must have thought i had a shitty childhood too- which i did of course.   
i didn’t want to go to the next class, but i did. it was like my feet were leading because my mind wouldn’t even think of anything. 

Yeah so im not going to finish this because it is depressing that no one knows Rose, plus I really miss writing about the trio.


End file.
